You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
