i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
