I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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