Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
