did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
