I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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