Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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