if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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