omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
They are going to name an STD after you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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