i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
