Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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