So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
