Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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