ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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