I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
