I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
