My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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