Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dick very happy bro
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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