I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
