Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
