I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
