i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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