Kiss
Puke
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Drunk is not a location!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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