yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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