i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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