you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
