i can't believe i had my finger in that
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
