i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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