so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
