problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
