I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
