Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Randomize
