I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
