She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
