Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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