I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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