does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
