i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
