You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
