I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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