Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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