I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
