Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
