i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
