oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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