How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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