3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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