there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
