I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
