i barfeds in our rink
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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